OPEC = Still weak

Another insane week in energy. OPEC trimmed another 2 million barrels per day, but did anyone care? Not so much. Frankly, this thrills me. I’m giddy over here. OPEC is angry about falling prices, OPEC cuts production, prices fall $3.50 yesterday and $4 today. I feel like Shaq on stage at a Miami nightclub. “Kobe, how’s my ass taste? OPEC how’s my ass taste?” I’m not even going to dignify their “news flashes” any more. From now on, they will be called supply ‘cutes’ as they are clearly not worthy of the name ‘cuts’. The 600 pound gorilla in the room remains demand, but it’s looking more and more like the rest of the room is empty: there’s just King Kong.

Speaking of King Kong, it is official that Brock Lesnar is the biggest star in the UFC. Though they were only his first three fights in the organization, he was the most purchased PPV name in the organization’s roster. Apparently the economy isn’t so bad for Zuffa, as Lesnar’s last fight, where he took the title from Randy Couture, was the 2nd biggest UFC event ever. Even more importantly, of the 10 most purchased PPV events of 2008, 7 of them will have been UFC events, assuming the card on the 27th qualifies, a lock given the talent on that card.

Speaking of that card, we’ll be watching it, most likely at the parents’ house. Possibly the first UFC card with a legitimate three main events, this is the second most talent to ever compete at one event on North American soil, only behind this year’s debut of Affliction. Forrest Griffin defends his Light Heavyweight title against Rashad Evans, Quinton Jackson faces the man who beat him twice, Wanderlei Silva, and is looking to earn a shot at getting his belt back, and Minotauro Nogueira defends his interim Heavyweight title against Frank Mir, with the winner meeting Man-Bear-Pig Lesnar in 09.

Zombie killing goodness

It’s official; I am geeking out over here. I just got Left 4 Dead for my 360, and I followed the purchase with an Xbox Live account. k1nggame, if interested. I know, you didn’t know there were still people with the system without the account. They were few, and are one fewer today.

Anyhoo, the game is absolutely ridiculous. Just nasty. You and up to three friends are survivors battling the endless zombie hordes. And I mean endless. Gone are the days of Resident Evil 2 oh-my-goodness-there-are-five-zombies-in-the-room. Try 50, including several freak zombies (more on them later). You mow through the sprinting spawn with machineguns, pistols, and shotties blazing. Sprinkle in a few pipebombs and Molotov cocktails for good measure and you have yourself a party.

The wargy is nice, but where the game really shines is the cooperation needed to survive. Where other FPSs are basically living embodiments of the “Army of One” mantra, in L4D standing alone will only lead to you dying alone. You simply cannot face the hordes by yourself, it isn’t possible. A huge part of success is built into saving your friends when they get pinned under one or more of the undead horde, and believe me, someone will get tackled and mauled. Actually, everyone will, but the difference between victory and defeat is whether those happen at the same time or not. Your bud gets knocked down you gotta clear em off and get em up.

Beyond the game of get-me-up is the simple need to cover each other, back-to-back. When you’ve got 20 zombies running at you from each direction and your shotgun only holds 8 rounds, a friend is a good thing to have. Three friends is even better.

Now, all this blood-letting joy so far is wonderful but limited. What really tacks on the next level of visceral goodness is the Versus mode, in which you can join the throngs. There are five “exceptional” zombies in the game, and you get to play four of them, though three with regularity. First is the Boomer, a fat, explosive, bile-spewing mass of ugly, whose bodily fluid attracts the horde. My least favorite to play, he can get the damage done but is too slow and unwieldy to be a party. Next is the Smoker, an ugly corpse with a tongue that shames that of Venom of Spiderman lineage. Basically he snipes with it like Scorpion in MK, dragging his victim toward him and away from his teammates. Of the three usual suspects, the Hunter is by far my favorite. Basically the zombie manifestation of the title-character of the Thief franchise, he stalks silently and then pounces on one of the survivors, ripping and tearing at their flesh. Without assistance, being pinned beneath one is death.

The fourth playable beast, more of a rarity to portray, is the Tank. Getting to be him is a rarity, which is fitting since it is momentous. He rocks it like a hurricane. Like against the office linebacker, the poor suckers never had a chance. You need a steady stream from the whole party to take down this silverback from hell. No truth to the rumor that it’s based on Brock Lesnar.

The final special zombie, who you can’t play, is the Witch. One on one means hasta la vista. You can’t beat her alone, unless you find something to climb quickly. In balance with her vicious attack (only the Tank is worse) she is the least aggressive of the undead. She sits there, crying like a child, until she is awakened. When she gets up, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Few game feelings are quite as satisfying as driving the survivors into the reach of the Witch with a well coordinated attack. Watch them fall as you pin them down one by one, their screams ‘singing in the rain’ of flying giblets of gore. Stanley Kubrick, eat your heart out.

Or perhaps a zombie will…

Bush is a freakin ninja

Perhaps we've been wrong all along. For eight years now we've assumed Dick Cheney was pulling the strings and Bush was the marionette. Perhaps things have changed in the last few years, and when he was elected Bush but a student, but now he is the master. Whichever it is, it's impossible to deny the ninja skills.



Regardless of where you stand on his politics, no normal president could have dodged a shoe like that. This needs further investigating.